i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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