Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
