She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
