her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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