Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
