this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They have beer where we have blood.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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