I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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