I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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