Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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