My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
