This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
