so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
