My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
