Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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