I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
40s are totally the cure
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
