Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
