Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
