You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
