I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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