so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
