you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
