What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
