Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
