and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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