Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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