you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am naked and annoyed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
