38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize