So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the liver wants what the liver wants
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
