Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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