I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize