I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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