My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
