True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
