Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
