Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the liver wants what the liver wants
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
