From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
