I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
