Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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