Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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