she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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