thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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