i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
