I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was confusing and full of hummus
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
