tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
