I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
