Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize