the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
