hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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