why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
