They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
