the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
