went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize