She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
