Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
