hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
