I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
