I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
