My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
