i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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