So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
