You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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