yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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