that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
