she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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