He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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