Need sex. Gaining weight.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize