WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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