Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
