I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
