Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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